Goodbye, July
You were a lover who ripped my heart apart and spread my agony like paint around the room. You stripped me. Quite literally. After killing off the parts of me that so desperately desired to be buried. And I dreamed of death. Back to back, two nights in a row. The kind of dreams you don't go back to sleep from, but the sort of dreams you actually wake up from.
Sound alarms singing from the basement of my subconscious, forcing me to ask, what in me needed to die now. What patterns, beliefs, and childish ways was I still hanging on to that were inhibiting my expansion and momentum forward?⠀
And just like the toxic lovers. The addicts. The liars. The codependents and the rollercoasters. Deep down, you wanted them. Just like I wanted July. ⠀
We want them because, in so many ways, we know we've been lying to ourselves. We've been hiding. We've been wearing a mask. We've been playing the part of what others expect of us at the expense of revealing our true identity. Short-changing ourselves, again and again.
And so we invite them in. To lead us back to our Truth. To let them show us who we really are by realizing who we're not.
So thank you, July. I will not miss you. Or the way you made me feel. But the aftermath of your destruction has been quite a beautiful thing. In so many ways, I needed to die. I needed to face my nothingness. And my everythingness. All at once. And be brought back to life.
Reborn through you.⠀